Though I didn’t have clear definition, I began realizing my nature as a reflector in college. I had played racquetball for years and had been beat by some outstanding players (being beat by someone really good always raises the level of your own game) for a number of years. While in college I would regularly go play with class mates. It was obvious when we got started warming up I had played much more than most of the guys I played with. It usually went this way, I would smear them in game 1, then in the subsequent games it was a closer match but they seldom won. This continues even today when I play racquetball (though I’m not nearly as good or as young as I used to be).

As a kid growing up our Air Force family moved all over the country (world in fact) and because of that I’ve always been a sort of chameleon. Accents come and go over time depending on where I live and for how long. I’m currently shifting back to no accent after coming back to Colorado with a Nashville influenced southern twang.

In one of my church staff positions there was a church member who had a handicap which caused him to stutter and slur his words and to make interesting hand motions and body gestures. Whenever I conversed with him I found myself, I had to be very careful to keep myself from mimicking his behavior. Not because I was making fun of him, but I was reflecting him in our conversations. And as I noticed it with this person, I began to see it with others in other ways. It had never been something noticeable until now because mimicking people who appear “normal” was no big deal. But mimicking someone who had difficulty talking or carrying on a conversation was considered rude and it made me notice what I typically did. Most everyone I interacted with I began to realize I would mimic the personality of the interaction back to the person.

In my final years in Nashville I began to see this in light of my responses to people I interacted with. Whatever attitude co-workers would bring to meetings with me I would reflect right back at them. So those who were civil and interested in getting things done created a great deal of productivity. Those who wanted to be troublesome and wrangle… well, it typically wasn’t a calm and settled meeting and reaching consensus and moving forward was difficult.

At first I didn’t see it. I found myself wondering what caused this transformation in me from Mr calm who rolled up his sleeves and worked with others to get amazing things done to Mr I Can Dig My Heels In Too. Was I Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde? Was there some crazy chemical transformation that took place when things got tense?

Then I put two and two together (with some other stuff too) – the same personality trait which caused my racquetball game to raise or lower to match the competition, allowed me to transform my style of communication geographically, and caused me to mimic people in my interactions with them was what was driving what I thought were crazy personality shifts at work (and in other relationships).

It was this last year I really began to put this all together and begin to be able to verbalize that I am a reflector. A great gift from Father which I had never recognized or taken the time to really contemplate. A few weeks ago as I began to think about this trait Father quietly began to help me see that in interactions I was to reflect someone other than the person I was interacting with. WOW! Being a reflector now had a whole new meaning and established a whole new set of goals. I set out to try to reflect Jesus in all my interactions. It was a new lease in life. In those instances where I naturally bounce back the personality of the person I’m interacting with, I began focusing on reflecting back Jesus instead.

Then, this last week it all came home to rest. Jesus reflected Father. The goal and purpose of His life was Father. So should be the goal and purpose of my life. And as such, I should be striving to reflect the character and personality of Father. (This is an additional blog article I’ll try to add in the next few weeks… the over-emphasis some put on Jesus. That should stir some debate.) So, my new goals are to spend more and more time contemplating the character and Way of Father and in so doing hopefully begin more and more to reflect Him to everyone I interact with.

I am a reflector!

One evening, a young lady in a mall kiosk who was not from the United States was very reluctant to allow me to leave her kiosk without purchasing the item which peaked my interest. It was an item for my wife and the cost was significant I wanted to check with my wife before making the purchase.

“You’re afraid I won’t come back, aren’t you?” A question to which she reluctantly responded “Yes”. I knew something was up because she kept “sweetening” the deal. Then after she’d sweetened it all she could, she made it where I had to buy right then and the offer was not good if I walked away and came back. I told her I was not buying without consulting my wife. I asked her why she was so insistent that I buy right at that moment. She then sheepishly explained to me that in the mall were hundreds of people with money in their pockets to spend. She explained that Americans walked into the door of the mall with an amount in mind they would spend and that she “knew” if I left I would likely spend the money in my pocket before getting back to her. I assured her I would return after I found and consulted my wife. She skeptically nodded as I walked away.

My wife was less than a hundred yards down the mall walking toward me. We set out to return to the kiosk as I told her of both the product and the young lady selling it. When we arrived back at the kiosk the look on the young ladies face was one of true astonishment. I’m sure my face must have had some puzzle written on it as well as I was already contemplating the the sad state of our culture that we were both so predictable and so “spend” oriented. We talked briefly about the fact that I actually returned. She indicated I was the first in her months of working at the kiosk. During that conversation I learned she was a student from a foreign country who came to America during the Christmas season because there was so much money to make. That night I bought the one item I originally stopped to explore, but none of the extras she was so tenacious to expand the offer with. That night was a monumental lesson on my journey.

Since that night, the veil has been lifted and I began to truly see the greed and lust for more which consumes not only America but mankind in general. Father used a simple conversation with this young lady to help me see the sad state of more “we” humans were living in. Now that the veil has been lifted I see it more and more and more (perhaps the opposite state of more?) in advertisements on TV, in pitches I hear in stores, from the mouths of “Christians” who are obsessed with how much more they can give to their church if they excel in their economic efforts. More, more, more. One car is not enough for a family of two because you cannot both have significant careers to climb up that financial ladder to get and acquire more. Two bedrooms is not enough, you have to have a bigger and more expensive house (even sometimes so you can do more for God with it). More savings. More insurance to protect what you have. It’s a vicious cycle and one that has drug those of us living in America into the United State of More.

I’ve left that country. Oh, I still have to struggle with it. But it becomes easier and easier each step I take away from where I used to live. I have less money and fewer things but I have found I need and want less. With less focus on getting and “protecting” stuff I found it has made room for me to think more about Father. My gaze has turned from more of stuff to more of Father and him having more of me. I have left the United State of More.

A few years back I attempted to get back into the gym for some weightlifting. I learned several things.

1. If you are active in a weightlifting program now, don’t quit. Getting started back is a pain… literally, on many levels.
2. I’m not as young as I used to be.
3. As I’ve gotten older bigger numbers aren’t as important as they used to be (age, weights, lbs., etc.)

Probably more if I took the time to contemplate it. But that’s not why I started this post. One of the interesting quotes I learned from the guy I lifted with was:

Pain is weakness leaving the body.

One of the things I’ve been learning on my journey is the concept that any growth in my walk is usually associated with pain. This is a huge conundrum for those who don’t know Father. Most folks seem to hold a view that if there is a “god” he, she, or it would always have everything rosy in the lives of that which he, she, or it created. A god who allows, even initiates pain in the lives of those who are dedicated to follow is not only foreign but to them a major stumbling block to any belief.

What makes this even more interesting was a recent Facebook post by a friend who is trying to find her way on a path of spiritual enlightenment and is grappling with God vs all other “systems”. Here’s two posts that appeared almost back to back:

I was talking to my friends about the various thoughts regarding GOD and my Friend said if God was really real, why would all those people in Haiti be suffering so much… I was speechless and Like DA I dont know??

And then…

If you look at the Mystic law of the universe suffering is a necessity in order to awaken compassion and enlightenment ~?~ but why with out no food and water??

Of course this line of questioning was all brought on by the tragic earthquake in Haiti but it did make me realize something very important. I’m not 100% sure where the last quote comes from but I’m guessing it’s some alternative-to-God system of spirituality that’s out there. As I contemplated what I was reading I realized often people hold the “one true God” of their perception to a different standard than any other religious teaching they explore. It’s not okay for the God of the Bible to allow or cause bad things to happen to good people… in fact, in their thinking that’s why “He” doesn’t really exist, yet, it’s noble and natural in other spiritual systems they often consider viable for suffering to bring about maturity. Have you encountered this before?

Today, I read an interesting part of Galatians in my current singular focus reading of The Message:

The person who lives in right relationship with God does it by embracing what God arranges for him. Doing things for God is the opposite of entering into what God does for you. Habakkuk had it right: “The person who believes God, is set right by God—and that’s the real life.” 12 Rule-keeping does not naturally evolve into living by faith, but only perpetuates itself in more and more rule-keeping, a fact observed in Scripture: “The one who does these things [rule-keeping]continues to live by them.” —Galatians 3:11b-12

Over the years I’ve seen so many people “living for God” in their weekly routines of going to church and striving to find other things they can do that will be blessed by God. Career, parenting, even giving… living for God means understanding some principles taught to them by some ecclesiastically endorsed person and then seeing how they can align their lives to apply those principles in order to find blessing or be blessed by God in their endeavors.

Doing things for God is the opposite of entering into what God does for you.

This is important along the journey! If we take a step back from the popular teaching of the day and re-read the stories of Jesus’ time here walking among us, it’s pretty clear to see that this was how He lived 24/7 for almost 1,000 days. In the history of the world no one has had the “gifted-ness” and understanding of principles to live by like Jesus. And yet, He chose to enter into what God was doing around Him rather than doing His own thing based on the resources and teaching at His disposal. We even see Him tempted in the Wilderness to live the way we tend to try to live the “Christian life”… getting what is destined to be ours, quicker, by submitting to serve another master. It’s right… we know we are supposed to “have” all this so we should pursue it, right?! Jesus resisted the temptation to have it all right now even though that which He was offered was in line with what He knew He was ultimately destined to enter into along the path Father had for Him… and more immediately than Father’s way for Him. Given the choice between two cups… the cup of endulgence (which was mostly truth mixed with a little -or huge- error) or the cup of surrender, entering into what Father was doing in and around Him.

What will you chose?

Obsessed with controlling things you can’t control.

It was a theme I overheard often in conversations on this trip – both conversations I had and had not participated in. In that one moment overhearing the conversation (which could hardly be called a conversation as it was very one sided, but nonetheless…) behind me on the plane Father spoke a quiet phrase that caused all the little subtle things He had been highlighting to me throughout the trip to come to rest on this one simple statement.

It’s something we all struggle with at some level and in various ways. Father’s been teaching me the lessons of manna from heaven and the feeding of the five thousand over the last year and I had not really put one plus one together to get this one yet (I know, one plus one equals two, but I’m learning this new math that doesn’t always add up like all the math I grew up learning).

How amazing is it that we can become so obsessed, even as those who profess to follow Christ, with controlling things over which we truly have no control. Well, maybe some of you reading this may feel more comfortable if I tag on “no control except that which Father permits”, but then is that really in our control at all?

Jesus walked the earth for three years totally out of control. (that should stir some head scratching) He was very careful to emphasize that:

John 5:19 (MSG)
19 So Jesus explained himself at length. “I’m telling you this straight. The Son can’t independently do a thing, only what he sees the Father doing. What the Father does, the Son does.

John 5:30 (MSG)
30 “I can’t do a solitary thing on my own: I listen, then I decide. You can trust my decision because I’m not out to get my own way but only to carry out orders.

John 5:36 (MSG)
36 But the witness that really confirms me far exceeds John’s witness. It’s the work the Father gave me to complete. These very tasks, as I go about completing them, confirm that the Father, in fact, sent me.

John 5:44 (MSG)
44 How do you expect to get anywhere with God when you spend all your time jockeying for position with each other, ranking your rivals and ignoring God?

And perhaps the most interesting snippet nestled in this explanation by Jesus is:

38 There is nothing left in your memory of his Message because you do not take his Messenger seriously.

39 “You have your heads in your Bibles constantly because you think you’ll find eternal life there. But you miss the forest for the trees. These Scriptures are all about me!

A large majority of well meaning ministries across the world are geared to teaching “principles” from the Bible, that if you follow them precisely you will be in control of things in your life. I believe Jesus would say “poppycock!”

A friend of a friends living room in Boulder

Ben and Robin Pasley grew up in a denominational church setting like me. They did the music circuit for a while, then the church scene, and feeling a draw to deeper family and discipleship began what is now Enter the Worship Circle to mentor young musicians and disciple them.

A friend of mine in Boulder fellowships with a group of college age folks and invited them to come hang out Saturday night and play and sing some songs. It was very organic except for the chairs, which my friend said he set up to help us former denominational types feel more at home.

I’m not sure if it’s truly longing for that experience I once knew as worship or the deep seeded messaging all my life that I should be in church every week and memories of the times it was enjoyable to be in that type community.

Through the experience I found myself talking with Father about what worship is out here where He has us now. Part of the answer He gave me right away… I worship as I walk each day with Him. I found myself wrestling with Him about the music, and the friends, and the… He said something simple like “I’m not enough? The people I bring your way each day are not enough?” I said okay and asked Him to help me be happiest in Him alone.

We are beginning our third year walking in faith apart from organized religion. It has been a complete time of life transition for us as all of our adult lives were intertwined as family and occupation in organized church stuff. No doubt it will take time before almost 25 years of addiction and 45 years of indoctrination is purged from our system. Last night was another step in that process. One simple step at a time.

Could this be our new home?

So this is just kind of funny. For months we’ve known we would probably be moving up more to the Boulder/Longmont area and for most of those months I’ve pseudo-jested about finding an old empty church to rent to live in. The thinking on our part centered on how wonderful it would be (and ironic in this case) to find somewhere that has enough space that we could offer for other former church staff members whose journey following Father is leading them out of a church vocation, to come and stay with us at no cost until they got back on their feet working some other job/career.

So, we’ll likely be moving in the next month or so and have ramped up the looking process. Today while Julie and her best friend Amy were out and about looking at areas and availability of rentals in those areas they found this! Unbelievable. Could that pseudo-jesting have been based on the prompting of Father instead of me thinking I was being funny.

It would be something to be able to respond when asked where we go to church, “GO? What do you mean, we live at the church!” and really mean it!